Take Me To Europa

Workin' for the Brain Eaters

My grandma's a thug, word?

After “successfully” hunting all the ghouls in the Orc Underground, Vortex, Knave and Shiro came across Doge Town, a ramshackle Orc village with literally no gift shops. They walked into a bar with a gaping hole in the front window, and came across a Troll Mage named Fenrir and a Dwarf Rigger named Wasp, who were consulting the Brain Eaters gang, planning a mission to retake the rec center the trio had previously sabotaged.

In was inside the dusty bar where Vortex was reunited with her Gram Gram, who strangely had joined the Brain Eaters gang in a futile attempt to get out of the house more often. Vortex was slightly dismayed by this news, but was cheered up by her Gram Gram’s famously delicious cookies, which the Brain Eaters were gobbling up by the handful.

Gram Gram showed everyone her new Brain Eaters tattoo, signifying her honorary membership into the organization. Not wanting to feel left out, Fenrir and Vortex both got similar badass tattoos in the spirit of Inktober, because tattoos are like, totally sick, ya know?

After some grumbling, Wasp agreed to let the charismatic Vortex and the solemn human Knave help on their mission to retake the rec center. After realizing the mission would take over a week to gather the necessary resources, Knave contacted his fixer Annabelle, who had a mission that was too good to pass up; infiltrate Elven Territory and steal a weapon shipment from a bunch of dandelion eaters who lived in the forest.

Since their target was most likely a bunch of pointy-eared Freegan Elves, Knave knew this mission would be a piece of cake. He invited Wasp and Fenrir to join him, along with Vortex, who owed him a favor, anyway. Shiro was distracted by a shiny classic Harley outside of the bar, hijacked it and sped back to Seattle, hoping to sell the bike for some scratch.

Knave jacked into the local land line and summoned Vortex’s sweet neon pink Honda, which arrived shortly in front of the bar. They all hopped into the dope-ass whip and drove into CCS territory, a.k.a. American Indian Country.

After getting through the checkpoint into the country, an Apache helicopter was soon on their tail. After some clever hacking by Wasp and glorious driving by Vortex, the car deftly swerved out of the flight path of several Apache Tomahawk missiles. Knave courageously crawled onto the hood of the car, and leaped onto the chopper, skewering the pilot with his Katana and diving back into the safety of the Honda. The helicopter gyrated out of control, crash-landing into a nearby field. Wasp was able to salvage two missiles from the crashed chopper, and they sped off in a cloud of dust, only to be attacked by another damn Apache!

Fenrir’s magic was a godsend. The Troll focused his magicks on the helicopter’s missile bay, casting a spell and causing the chopper to explode, a fireball of orange flame erupting in the sky. Not wanting to waste time, they raced passed the wrecked chopper and crossed the border into the Elf Lands, nearly reaching their destination.

What adventure awaits these heroes? Find out next week, on TAKE ME TO EUROPA: THE NEXT BIG SCORE, Fridays at 1PM on the WB Network.

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